I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize