capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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