oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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