So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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