Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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