She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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