I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
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its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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