i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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