Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
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Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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