I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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