My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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