well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize