Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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