she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize