i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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