I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize