when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize