More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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