Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My bed smells like the plague
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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