i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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