we have pet lesbian snakes
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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