you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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