She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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