He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
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Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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