alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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