Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize