we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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