i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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