i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
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Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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