Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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