stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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