I want to make a zoo with you.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize