Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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