You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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