Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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