remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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