How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
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Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
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I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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