Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize