The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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