making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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