if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
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so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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