Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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