I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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