her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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