she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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