Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
3pm strippers are depressing
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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