his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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