i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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