Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
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Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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