I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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